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March 28, 2006
Stone-Cold Sober Lessons From American Idol, 3/28/2006 (Another Unseemly Edition) UPDATED

Posted by Bill

There are two kinds of people in this world: people that hate Kellie Pickler and people that don't hate Kellie Pickler. One of those two groups is wholly responsible for professional wrestling and industrial accidents.

I should probably pan Ace Young, but it's hard, as the dude sings very much like I make love: lots of painful falsetto screeching, interspersed with sensual scar-rubbing and smoldering stares at my reflection. And no woman in her right mind pans my love-making. Unless maybe she's really, like, a lesbian, or something.

Taylor Hicks is awful young to have grey hair, though I had a boyhood acquaintance who sported frosty locks by the tender age of 10. We called him "Frosty." But Frosty got the snow-capped 'do after stumbling across his dad wrapped around his t-ball coach like an extra tight pair of nylon shorts. Which makes me wonder what Taylor Hicks saw his daddy do.

Paris Bennett and Elliott Yamin can sing well.

UPDATE: A relevant question:

Did Ace ACTUALLY point to a scar on his upsettingly pasty chest during the “permanent scar” lyric??

Yes, I believe the cheesetastic sociopath did.

Via Dean, who has his own round-up.

Posted by Bill at March 28, 2006 08:07 PM | TrackBack (2)

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Comments

Kellie Pickler will not win because at least half the population south of the Mason-Dixon line finds her painfully embarassing. Either she's dumber than a box of retarded rocks, or, she's faking it which is even worse.

Even Larry the Cable Guy isn't this dumb.

Posted by: Dean Esmay [TypeKey Profile Page] at March 28, 2006 11:58 PM

Has to be a third choice...I don't know who she is...

Posted by: Blacknimbus at March 29, 2006 12:41 AM

What is this "American Idol" of which you speak? I haven't heard of Kellie pickles, neither. Is it a brand or a type?

Posted by: rbj at March 29, 2006 12:32 PM

I LOVE Kellie Pickler.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at March 29, 2006 02:38 PM

She's a saucy little mink, for sure.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at March 30, 2006 08:07 AM

Wow. Did I just step into the Twilight Zone?

Posted by: agent bedhead at March 30, 2006 10:15 AM

I still love Kellie because her entertainment value cannot be overestimated. Wouldn't you love to see her and Simon in a remake of "My Fair Lady"?

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