Definitely Carl Levin. Probably because he's from my state, and I've been tortured by him for years. Self-important blow-hard. My (hate) for him has festered for years.

Biden. Definitely Biden. Self-important, posturing, wind-bag, jackass. And that's a good day.

Yeah, I get the feeling he'll get a lot of votes.

With respect to Kennedy, you forget the possible flatulence angle.

you forget the possible flatulence angle.

Well, I figured that we'd be too engaged in huffing landing gear hydraulic fluid (after the Glenlivet ran out) to even notice ...

I am going go widen the scope and say the representative or senator I would least like to sit next to on a plane is Nancy Pelosi. First of all I don't want to be around when she reverts to her natural alien form and starts eating people. Plus I don't think I could handle looking at that face in person for any extended amount of time (especially given my penchant for taking LSD and Ketamine to calm my nerves on long flights).

If I had to say a Senator it would be my own, Dick Durban. He seems to me like the kind of guy who would keep casually trying to get you to let him blow you the whole flight, you know just mixing it in with normal conversation. "Boy is that Bush an asshole huh? I can't believe about the domestic wiretaps. Unconscionable, hey how bout I blow you? No? you sure? Ok, your call but Teddy, Biden and McCain don't call me hot lips Dick for nothing" and on and on. Not because he's gay mind you, but just as a form of constituent service.

Big E -

First of all I don't want to be around when she reverts to her natural alien form and starts eating people.

Man, that's funny.

especially given my penchant for taking LSD and Ketamine to calm my nerves on long flights

Imagine the "fwap fwap fwap(ping)" sound everytime she blinks, as heard from the terrifying depths of a k-hole.

And if you author another comment that's funnier than the post, you're banned.

My Senator Ron Wyden. Maybe I'm a bad person, but speech impediments drive me up the wall. I mean come on, the man sounds like Donald Duck!

Harry Reid.

We're forgetting John Kerry.

"So, those swiftie guys really got to you, huh? Hey, does this flight serve Camembert?"

Hillary "Bride of Satan" Clinton.

I can see it now, those cold black orbs of hers peeking out from beneath her sagging and botox frozen brow, as she sneaks a look at my "Got Capitalism" t-shirt, before she cackles out "Let me tell you about my plan to rescue health care in America".

The only way it could be worse was if she had stuffed Feinstein into a short mini-black latex corset, dog collar, and then tied her into the other seat next me.

I would say Hillary, but my face is still in the list of people escorted from one of her town hall meetings.

I will have to go with Robert Byrd from WV. His speeches remind me of a dementia induced rant, minus the common sense you would hear during that rant.

Dave Barry has compared Byrd to a large albino ferret.

Ha. ("large albino ferret")

Any Republican senators? Can I get a Chuck Hagel, perhaps?

McCain. Point out that campaign-finance reform has made the system more corrupt and less accountable, and violates first amendment. Then watch his head explode.

Gotta be Kerry "Now let me explain to you why the course chosen by this pilot is flawed. By the way, did I tell you that I flew 747s on secret missions into Cambodia when I served in 'Nam. That's what we called it over there. 'Nam. Not Viet Nam, just 'Nam. That attitude shows just why we are hated around the world, because of our cultural insensitivity."

After an hour, I'd try to hijack the plane just so we could get shot down by an F-15.

God, that's a tough one. The creepy thing about Hillary is that she's had so much work she can't close her eyes, so you wouldn't know if she was snoozing, staring malevolently at you, or just gazing into space while contemplating evil. But half of Kennedy would be in your lap, & the stale 120 proof miasma of bodily effluents would never wash off.

It might be easier to try to pick a senator I'd want to sit next to. The list of candidates in much much shorter.

Id go with Barbie "Who needs ken when you have fidel" Boxer.

Mitch McConnell
Rick Santorum
Barbara Boxer
Rick Santorum
The list is starting to get too long.

Who would I like to sit next to? I'd say my two favorites would be Hilary Clinton and Lindsay Graham. I think you could actually have a decent conversation with either one of them.

Trapped next to Mary Landrieu, who bats her eyes woozily after a couple or four drinks, and says "Did you know I'm a member of the Mile High Club?"

Landrieu: "And I came in the BACK door of THAT club, honey!"

AAUUGH! Stop! Stop!

If Katherine Harris gets elected in Florida, I wouldn't mind sitting next to her. I just know she'd be a hoot & a holler. Anyone who can tell Karl Rove to fuck off when he suggests she step aside for the good of the party is someone I respect.

Not to get all Kansas-provincial on you, but how about least-favorite = Sam Brownback?

Now there's a barrel of laughs.

What's "kansas?"

Anyone who can tell Karl Rove to fuck off is protected on high by the forces of darkness. So you'd be safe on any flight she's on.

You got THAT right!

Obviously, Byrd could tell some great yarns if you got him liquored up. "You know, tar & feathers sounds funny, but it ain't."

Patty Murray would be enough to send you looking for some box cutters

I'd take the opportunity to ask Sen. Murray what Osama's day care centers are like. Do they play "duck, duck, infidel" or what?

I'd say Kerry. I can't think of a senator with less personality. At least Teddy might be fun to drink with. Also, the other ridiculous senators from both parties would at least be fun to irritate.

Can we pick a member of congress we'd like to sit next to? Because Stephanie Herseth is kinda hot.

What an embarrassment of riches--I'd have to say, for my choice of those I wouldn't like to sit next to, I have to choose B Boxer--but then, Patty Murray! Wait, Dianne Feinstein! gosh you're making this hard.

As for who I wouldn't mind sitting next to, Ted might be fun if you were really drunk, if not, not so much. Norm Coleman is cute, and hasn't done anything to make me mad at him lately. So I pick him.

Too many candidates to choose just one.

Cop-out.

The worst to ride next to would have to be Byrd from WVa.
Because he's been dead for awhile.
And he's gotta smell pretty ripe by now.
Similar to the last ten years of Sperm Thurmond's reign.

Rangel. It would be too painful to have to order a "Johnny Walker African American".

First fear: Byron Dorgan. Nice enough guy, I suppose, but any flight he's on is probably going to North Dakota. I lived there once, and didn't leave anything I need to go back for.

Second fear: Lisa Murkowski. Only reason she's a senator is nepotism (her father, as governor, appointed her). She'd spend the entire flight (to Alaska, mind you) trying to convince me otherwise. On the other hand, I like Alaska.

I sat with Sen. Paul Wellstone on a flight from Minneapolis to Washington on September 10, 2001. While I did not share his politics, he could not have been nicer to the passengers on the flight. Genuinely nice guy.

Definitely Schumer. The first time I recall seeing him on television was during some hearings on Waco. I remember thinking that I was looking at the antichrist, even though I am an atheist. The man creeps me out.

Kerry or Santorum. Although I'm surprised nobody said Mikulski??

If you expanded it to House members, it would have to be Sheila Jackson-Lee. Obviously.

Heh. Obviously.

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