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November 30, 2005
Show Us Your Teeth, You're The Scary Man

Posted by Hubris

billy.jpg

Somebody get Billy some black coffee and unfiltered smokes ASAP. Really, he's freaking me out more than he did with that "We Didn't Start the Fire" video, or the time he was presumably allowed to touch Christie Brinkley's vagina in order to create a child.

The concern shouldn't stop with the teeth; take a closer look at the eye:

billyeye2.jpg

Below the fold, I've enhanced the blow-up by adjusting the contrasts and eliminating some of the digital noise.

crazyeye2.jpg


That's right, Joel appears to be suffering from crazy-ass chicken eye, the first symptom of bird flu. That would make him "patient zero" in the States, but I'm unsure whether the virus has mutated such that it can be transmitted by shitty music. It would probably be better to proceed with the quarantine to err on the side of caution.

Posted by Hubris at November 30, 2005 11:48 AM | TrackBack (16)

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Comments

Wow. that chicken eye freaks me out.

Posted by: Emily at November 30, 2005 12:01 PM

Phreak. I met a man like this, about Billy's age, same glow in the dark white teeth, but also with Village of the Damned glowing blue contacts & badly dyed hair to cap it.

Posted by: beautifulatrocities at November 30, 2005 12:07 PM

You know, I thought I heard a World Health warning earlier that instructed, "Do Not Touch Mr. Joel. Do Not Attempt to Speak to Mr. Joel. and in no case, should you listen to "Uptown Girl."
I thought that was just paranoia...
they did add that it was prudent that if he does approach you wildly muttering "uhhg, bread...jar..." that you should move him along by saying "Man, what are you doing here?"

Posted by: T. Marcell at November 30, 2005 03:37 PM

Oh My God. Funniest thing I read all day.

Also, why weren't illicitly leaked sex videos in style before Christie Brinkley started pushing exercise equipment with Chuck Norris?

Posted by: Tony B at November 30, 2005 03:38 PM

A Christie Brinkley sex tape? Cool. One with Billy Joel in it? Auugh!

Posted by: rbj at November 30, 2005 04:45 PM

rjb, when was the last time you watched a sex tape because of the guy in it? I sat through 20 minutes of Tommy Lee playing with his crank for a look at Pamela. How sick is that?

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