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July 30, 2004
The Historical Journalistic Impact of the DNC Blogging Experiment

Posted by Bill

Can be felt here:

The Main Event: John Kerry Hits it Out of the Park

If by "park" you mean Fleet Center packed with the Democratic Party faithful, sure ...

"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty."

We're here to make America stronger at home and respected in the world. Tonight I am home."

He's passionate. He clicks with the audience.

Howard Dean could streak the stage while screaming "BushhitlerMcShrubbenburton ... Bechtel! Bechtel! Yeeeeeearggghh! Look at my huge manhood!!!!!" and click with that audience ... for example, see here.

His delivery is perfect. We've never seem him this good. He's done it. He's over the top with this crowd:
...

He's preaching to the choir now.

Perhaps the only analytical, cogent snippet in this entire cheerleading fantasy. The blogger's climax builds ...

Kerry moves on to Teresa. This crowd loves her. She's awash in white tonight. She is bursting with pride, you can see it in her eyes and smile.

"Awash in white?" Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Picture me blogging about the Republican National Convention and describing Laura Bush as "awash in [insert magnificently radiant color]." Note to Wizbang and Captain Ed: if you take the awash in brilliant splendiforoficiousness angle during your RNC blogging, I will personally show up at your door and slap you senseless. With a rotten hallibut.

Now Kerry hits Bush on the war--without ever mentioning his name:

The United States never goes to war because we want to, we only go to war because we have to.....

Oh my, yes, yes ... oh baby ...

He presents an exit strategy to bring our troops home.

Best line so far:

I defended this country as a young man and I will defend it as President.

Ooohhh sssssailloor ... (shudder, shake, shiver) ... yes, yes .. you were in Viet ... naaha-haaaaaaha-ha-ha-aa-am ... uhh, uhh ... oh yesssss ...

Well, a blogger broke the story first, I guess.

By the way, I'm sure that the swing voters in America are greatly impressed by the fact that he exhaustively flaunts his war record to the point of tone-deaf annoyance.

The next theme: "Help is on the way." Nice synergy with Edwards' "Hope is on the Way."

The future doesn't belong to fear it belongs to freedom."

I fire vendors at work that employ the word "synergy" without irony. And does freedom for Iraqis enter into that equation? Or are we spending too much money "opening firehouses in Iraq?"

He won't privatize social security.

Thank God. I wouldn't want the option of controlling my own retirement account.

We've been saying it for at least a month and now we're convinced: Bush is toast.

And John Kerry is "waffles." Together, they make a delightful breakfast treat.

Welcome John Kerry, our next President.

Oh God, so close, so close, I'm, I'm ... OH MY GOD ... OH BABY ... Oh-OH-AH-AH-AH ... YES YES YES YES YES ... YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!

Phew.

Now considering the fact that we're talking about John Kerry, I have one important question for TalkLeft ... and let's be honest here, between you and me ...

Was it real? Or were you just faking it?

(Hilarious detour in my blogging day via ASV)

UPDATE: The comments are a scream:

We're still crying! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Lori at July 29, 2004 08:12 PM

We love his comment about telling the truth!!!!

Posted by Lori at July 29, 2004 08:19 PM

Hope again! John is a fireball!

Posted by phidpides at July 29, 2004 08:22 PM

Mmmmmm ... this Kool-Aid really tastes yummy ... sort of bitter though, like almonds...

Posted by Teresaisastrongindependentwomanandnotacausticnutjob at July 29, 2004 8:25 PM

Yaaaayyy! Puppies and kittens and manicures and health care! Yaaaayyyyy!

Posted by LifeisNeat at July 29, 2004 08:35 PM

(Okay, so I made up the last two ...)


Posted by Bill at July 30, 2004 09:47 AM | TrackBack (3)

Comments

That is the funniest review of anything I've written--I loved it and am sitting here at the starbucks at the airport laughing out loud and gathering stares.

My goal on this trip was to convey the energy, enthusiasm and resolve to win of those present in the hall to those reading at home. I began this trip as an "Anybody but Bush" person--I finished as a Kerry-Edwards fan.

Posted by: Talkleft at July 30, 2004 10:18 AM

I refuse to let you pee in my cornflakes with your magnaminious niceness. REFUSE. I'm a bitter man that enjoys simple pleasures.

PS - Yeah, I gathered your purpose - "Mission Accomplished!"

Posted by: Bill from INDC Journal at July 30, 2004 10:25 AM

And John Kerry is "waffles." Together, they make a delightful breakfast treat.

Poetry.

Posted by: andy at July 30, 2004 12:28 PM

The PBS commentary was astonishing. Look, it is pretty obvious I am no fan of Senator Kerry but... but... his speech was horrible. Disjointed. Rambling. Incoherent. I still cannot figure out what he meant with the crack about the Constitution. I think it is important that people at least understand the insult that is being levelled at them.

I think the Kerry/Edwards ticket will be a debacle. That was a Dukakis performance and will lead down the same road. The mainstream media can try to put lipstick on this pig but that does not mean anyone will kiss it on voting day.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at July 30, 2004 01:35 PM

I can't stand John Kerry, but I thought that it was one of the better speeches he's given. As I mentioned, I saw him speak live (see old post) a couple of months ago, and I was front and center, about 10 feet away, in his presence, the man who could be the next president, with the motivation to take silly pictures for my blog ...

AND I LEFT EARLY BECAUSE I COULDN'T TAKE IT.

So, by virtue of the fact that I could stand him for almost an hour on tv, it was a success.

By the measure of whether it will have a large impact on swing voters, probably a failure.

But- as far as inconsistency goes, it's no match for Michael Moore's piece of trash or the majority of the rhetoric that came out of the Dem primaries ... and they've gotten away with it.

Either way it was a flat speech.

Posted by: Bill from INDC Journal at July 30, 2004 01:48 PM

"I defended this country as a young man and I will defend it as President."

Does this mean he will only defend it for four months at a time?

Posted by: Brass at July 30, 2004 03:53 PM

OH MY GOD ... OH BABY ...

I didn't come here to look at dirty web sites.

(Good job, Bill.)

Posted by: Angie Schultz at July 30, 2004 03:54 PM