Outstanding observational work.

However, I think you may have misidentified the pair of Long-tongued Moonbats (Macroglossius lunarius commonus) with their cousin, the Western Warbling Moonbat (Occidaneus cantus sarandonus). Though, species of the genus freely hybridize so an infinite number of cultivars are available.

One has not experienced the cacophonic melodies of Occidaneus cantus sarandonus until one observes a swarm congegating in their natural habitat, the arthouse film theatre. Only there, can one hear a swarms' coordinated forced chortling, as well as its collective sighs or sympathy when summer gives way to Sundance documentary season.

Herr Doktor Professor:

Outstanding work! With this brave field work we can now promote you to full professor in the Department of Forensic Moonbatology here at Blogistan Institute of Technology and Children's Hospital (B.I.T.C.H.).

Sincerely,

Dr. John Bigbooty
Chomsky Professor of Forensic Moonbatalogical Studies

I am honored, Dr. Bigbooty.

And rpongett, you may be right - the Western Warblers nearly always do wear that leather wristband, clearly evident in the picture. My apologies.

Crikey!

(How oppressive was the stench of patchouli? Moonbats seem to excrete it naturally.)

More on the effects of that in part two.

Absolutely riveting! Do you teach any courses on Moonbat behavior? I am in one of the Moonbat's natural habitats, in Seattle, and I have observed these Moonbats at what they call the "Solstice Parade", which is one of the larger Moonbat gatherings. I see many parallels between that gathering and the migration you witnessed.

I thank you for all the research you have done, for the bravery you have exhibited while documenting this phenomenon known as "moonbat migration".

Outrageously funny!

As benevolent Dictator over at www.barking-moonbat.com HQ, my Minister of Propaganda/Information, Allan, and I wish to confer upon you the coveted Moonbat Medal of Valor for your gallantry in wading through the stench and hypocrisy (not to the mention anti-Americanism) of so many moonbats in their natural habitat. It is fortunate you escaped with your sanity.

Looking forward to reading about your exploits amongst moonbats in the future.

Fascinating!
Anecdotal observation suggests that they are a species in serious danger of extinction.

Should breeding success ratios degenerate further they may need to be introduced into the Endangered Species category and remedial breeding programs may be neccessary to bolster populations.

Could zoo breeding programs be a solution to prevent further decline within their genetic pool?

Such an approach may well be appropriate in mitigating the self-limiting evolutionary strategies engaged in by the Macroglossius lunarius commonus subspecies in particular.

There is however some evidence indicating that most juvenile Macroglossius simply grow out of it.

Regarding habitat and breeding strategies: I've observed they seem to primarily roost within "technicolor" caves during the evening hours when they aren't grazing. Could concerned scientifical people use recordings of The Moby mating call to elicit a breeding response?

Thank you in advance for your esteemed input.

my efforts are focused on research, hence, no teaching.

And the moonbats need little incentive to breed - it's more a problem with getting any to keep their offspring, or refrain from ingesting toxic substances before they come to term.

I need to practice my techniques. Or rather, I think I need to attend events where all the protestors don't know eachother. In Chicago I've tried to go observe but the protestors must smell me as prey because they just chase me away or get in my face until I leave.

Different outfits don't work either. From "Men in Black" to "Bozo the Clown" I cannot disguise myself well enough to skirt their illustrious nasal senses.

You are truly the David Attenborough of the Moonbat world. You should do a PBS series about them, "Get a Life on Earth."

Fascinating study of the various breeds of moonbats. Tell me, were these moonbats disturbed by the cameras? How were you able to get so close to them without being harmed?

Several became testy, but I kept my distance, for the most part. I also engaged in some subterfuge that may help commenter brennan - before attending the rally, I smeared myself in dog poo. This masked my homo sapiens odor.

No sightings of formerly ubiquitous Mumia Abu-Jamalensis? Must be deforestation and habitat destruction.

I would be interested in a study of the structures and tools utilized by the various species and subspecies.

It has gotten difficult to spot moonbats here in Georgia, but there is disagreement on why. Some say the species is simply not all that common down here (tell that to Cynthia McKinney), whereas I think part of the problem is the loss of accustomed habitat wherein we might expect to see the local specimens.

For example, although the Volkswagen Beetle -- aka "moonbatmobile" -- has been resurrected as the "New Beetle," the new form of the vehicle tends to be too expensive for true moonbats to own.

If there's a recent study that addresses this, I may find it easier to find specimens to observe.

Moonbat swarms are typically drawn to large urban population centers, usually in search of easy access to mind-altering substances and a diversity of mating partners.

Also, large urban centers tend to have vast canyons of glass - perfect targets for a well-aimed trash can or rock.

Rtfm:

RE: Zoo Breeding

Unfortunately no captive breeding programs will ever be established as yet another subspecies of the Moonbats, the well know Environmentalus Extremus Lunaticus, violently protests any hint of herd management, even to save a species. Or to use their phrase: Better dead then bred.

I offer my most sincere congratulations to INDC: Documented evidence of a juvenile Desmodus lunarius nihilista, accompanied by an adult exhibiting maternal behavior. Absolutely amazing.

This is utterly hilarious. It's been a long time since I laughed out loud so hard by myself in front of a computer screen. What an intrepid piece of photojournalism. I just don't undertand why articles like this don't appear regularly in my Discover magazine. This species is crying out for more in-depth analysis.

BTW, When does Dr. Werner Van Schtrudenbacher's new album come out and where can I purchase it?

Hilarious. Thank you.

Stay up at 'till about 3am on saturday and I'm certain that you will catch the info-mercial for the good doctor's album.

Omigosh, are you funny, this is the best laugh I've had all week. Thank you!!

More re: Zoo breeding.

Mayhap what should be done is establish Moonbat refuges. I would put forth two suggestions, a rather large island in the Caribbean, namely Cuba; as well as the part of the Korean Peninsula north of the 38th parallel. This would give them two quite different geographical areas in which to roam.

Excellent work, Bill from INDC Journal. Is it too early to mention Nobel Prize?

You embarrass me with your praise.

Is the guy selling the Che shirt a Bureaucrasher (the coke/captialism shirt)?

http://bureaucrash.com/modules/news/

Not sure how he jives Che's communism with capitalism. But maybe he is just serving a market?

Perhaps he bought the beaurocrasher shirt because he THOUGHT that it was ironic. How ironic is THAT?

Reading aloud with the accent really does help. I can hardly breathe after laughing so hard.

"Look at this! What a beautiful specimen of the highly venomous Desmodus lunarius checommunista! Now watch me poke it with a stick!"

/Steve Irwin

Esteemed colleague, I humbly submit a photograph I was able to make of local game wardens tagging one of these creatures for future study: www.severnriver.com. Please keep up the good work.

magnificent field work doctor! this rivals Dian Fossey's work in gorrillas in the mist, as played by sigourney weaver!!!

who will play you? might I venture it should be someone like Bruce Willis?

A truly fascinating species, worthy of future study. How does one explain, in the presence of elaborate displays of social behavior, and the primitive use of symbols, the total lack of grooming behavior?

Utterly hilarious!

They are not a species in danger of extinction. They aren't a species at all, but infected people, who have mutated to its present form that no longer have any survival instincts. Their sole purpose is to roam about infecting healthy specimens.

Excellent work. I look forward to the peer reviewed version in a formal journal.

One question: did you collect specimens for dissection to examine eating habits, etc? Down here in Texas we have had notable success with the .17 HRM...

Though I don't pretend to the level of expertise exhibited by this esteemed panel, I do live in an area (New York City) that is filled with many lush, verdant moonbat habitats such as Williamsburg and Tompkins Square Park, and have observed the species extensively. I therefore feel that I'm qualified to inform the many commenters that have expressed concern over the possible endangerment and even extinction of this species that their fears are misplaced. In fact, the type of controlled breeding programs that many here have recommended have been ongoing here for sometime in such places as the New School, the Pratt School of Art, and some departments of Columbia University. There is even some interbreeding with populations imported from such places as Bennington and Oberlin Colleges.

The most beguiling subspecies is of course the hot art-school chick moonbat or the macroglossius lunarius bisexualis, a deceptively attractive creature. While undeniably visually impressive, after any serious observation they are found to be especially unbalanced and erratic in behavior, even by the standards of the species. Proceed with caution.

I have extended personal experience with macroglossius lunarius bisexualis, and can vouch for my esteemed colleagues verdict.

Fun while it lasts, but when the gig is up, make no mistake ... she'll cut you.

You know, it's actually very difficult to bring off satire like this without sounding either forced, arch, or unbearably smung. That you managed to do so is testament to just how damn funny this is. Congratulations on getting the tone JUST right, and I can't wait for the next wildlife documentary.

Satire?

Hilarious!

Steve the Llama Butcher:

That's John BigbooTAY!!

Crank up the overthruster!

Excellent work ! I never knew there were so many varieties of Moonbat. That is some groundbreaking research that can (indeed must) be built upon. You obviously have the field covered quite well. Keep up the good work....

In my research on moonbats I have discovered a similarity between moonbats and Cuckoo Birds, and Brown-headed Cowbirds, that of parasitic behavior. As any student of natural history is aware, the aforementioned birds lay their eggs in other, better birds nests, expecting other species such as Warblers, etc, to raise their young, a welfare system in the bird world one might say. The results are the same, the parasites suck the life out of the hard working host.+

Evidenced by the moonbat's parasitic use of mass-manufactured clothing and other goods. Excellent point, good colleague.

Brilliant work!!!

I am convinced that those of you who find this piece amusing are sick and disturbed. It is not funny at all!

After living in San Francisco, the CAPITAL of moonbat migration, I can testify to the inconvenience and distruction moonbat behaviour can cause (i.e. smelly streets, a fondness for experimental teaching methods inflicted on the young, and ridiculous spending programs).

I have moved back to Chicago, and am now grateful for our legendary abysmal weather--it helps keep the moonbattys away.

Bravo! :)

Carolyn:
I can see your point, but believe laughter is the best weapon to use against moobats.

>The most beguiling subspecies is of course the >hot art-school chick moonbat or the >macroglossius lunarius bisexualis

I will be the maverick scientist here and propose that the very idea of considering these animals to be intrinsically different from our species...however weird their behavior...prevents us from researching the parasitic brainworms that infect what once were human beings.

The art students can, in fact, be saved. Please don't give up on them. I was one of them!

Think of it more like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" than "Wild Kingdom."

There is a cure for the brainworm inside Moonbats' heads. Marriage, a job and the 30th birthday often kills the parasitic brainworm (which emanates from highly contagious animals often found in school and college faculty lounges and media newsrooms) and the Moonbat becomes human.

Another cure is an event like 9-11. That shock killed the virulent parasitic brainworm in untold millions of Moonbats worldwide. Sadly...the prevention of a worse attack in Jordan last week...will not kill many brainworms thus leaving untold millions of Moonbats still infected.

Moonbats need actual nearby terror attacks to kill off their parasitic brainworms...and sometimes the parasite is so strong, as in Spain, that even that doesn't work (Spanish Moonbats need further study).

I know all this because...I was once a Moonbat!

Yes...I know...don't all clamor to pickle me in formaldehyde and figure how I switched my species to human. It wasn't overnight, believe me. In my case, it wasn't 9-11 that directly killed the brainworms...it was the way the American Moonbat Party forced a compromise on the Iraq War Resolution that said we could only attack Iraq but not "surrounding countries" like Iran or Syria. As a Democrat I hit the roof when I saw smarmy fellow Moonbats like John Kerry and Tom Daschle commit that treason. Instantly, I wasn't infected with the parasite anymore.

I was no longer one of "them".

There is hope for the afflicted. Don't give up on them.

Except the Che Nihilista species with the boots.

You fascist, racist, religious-right wing-wackos, when are you finally going to answer my question.......

Are you gonna eat those fries?

Other than misspelling "molotov" excellent work.

Looks like it's spelled correctly to me ...

We must study Jennifer!

Alex in New Jersey would probably know that the "National Alliance" is big in her state.

Maybe she could do a follow up piece on one of their meetings.

Or would that take too much actual courage?

I commend the efforts of you and your esteemed colleagues in furthering the knowledge of Man and bringing the light of benigh inquiry upon the darkness of this most seemingly chaotic of species.

Godspeed!

Where I live these creatures have been relatively rare. Usually we only sight them during the winter months as they migrate through. But recently I have seen small herds of these creatures establishing themselves on a permanent basis in the area. The infestation is growing and, being a layman in these matters, I am at a loss as to how to deal with this. Can you recommend products or methods that will confine or repel these things so we can nip this thing in the bud?

Can you recommend products or methods that will confine or repel these things so we can nip this thing in the bud?

About the only thing that ever worked for me when I lived in California was to spray them with soap.

The specimen that you identified as an "ancient miniature moonbat" appears to be an example of the macroglossius sextegenerius overdosious, once thought to be extinct but becoming increasingly common in the wild recently. Considerable doubt exists about the actual age of these creatures; some scientists have speculated that certain personal habits that they indulge in creates a local time-warpage field about their persons. This time warpage has been noted to have peculiar effects; while causing the body to age rapidly, it seems to have the opposite effect on the brain, such that the individual becomes increasingly immature even as it ages. This phenomonen has, in some scientific circles, been given the colloquial name "the one-and-a-half reverse backflip Dorian Grey effect". Attempts at further research have not been successful, as every attempt to converse with members of the species results in a response in an ancient, unknown tongue, which when spelled out phonetically resembles: "Hey, like, goovy, man. Flower power. Do you know where I can score a few keys?"

Damn, that's funny!!

Good job, Herr Doktor!!!

Can you recommend products or methods that will confine or repel these things so we can nip this thing in the bud?

I have found certain combinations of vowel and consonant sounds to be highly effective. Try saying the words "Ronald Reagan" to them and see what happens.

REAGAN WAS A FASCIST!!!!!

What wonderful work you have here! I too have long been interested in cataloging the behavior of moonbats at my local university. They seem to developed a periodic swarming pattern around March 20. On this date they decided to infest our university center, staging a sit-in to protest our university's military funding. I have some fascinating pictures of the "Long-tongued Banger Moonbats", sans the drums. However, it seem that if you can get the subspecies "hot art-school chick moonbat" to fall in love with you, they undergo a fascinating trasnformation, turning into a clone of your own personal politics. I have personal experience with this, and must say that the result was completely successful, producing that extremely rare species, "hot conservative chick".

I used to work in DC and was in the middle of most of the Clinton-era anti-globalist demonstrations.

I lived in New York until recently and found myself in the middle of quite a few others.

I have 2 questions.

1. Is soap part of the great gloabalist corporate conspiracy? I mean, these folks never seem to use any.

2. Does peper spray taste good on a salad?

Congratulations Jennifer for extricating yourself.

I was only part moonbat for one year, my junior year in college. Three years of mental corruption induced by an Ivy league history department was cured when in my senior year, I took English history and read Locke. While the prof insisted Locke was a protoMarxist, Princeton at the time still had the vestigial integrity (hope they still do) of letting you read these texts for yourself. Locke is the intellectual basis for free market democracy. Take that over Marx any day. Case closed.

I will echo the congratulations of others concerning the quality of your research work.

Is there some reason we don't have more pictures of the macroglossius lunarius bisexualis, or is that species too rare and dangerous to document?

I had one in captivitiy for a while. It was an interesting experience, but mine was unpleasant to deal with after she turned too strident. Application of alcoholic beverages helped, but sadly was not a permanent cure.

I echo others in telling people to proceed with extreme caution ... but I somehow doubt that I'll be taking my own advice. They have ... a certain charm.

D

"REAGAN WAS A FASCIST!!!!!" haha. lol

idiot

One of the Common Moonbats with the "Money for Jobs and Education" is wearing a red shirt that says MADE IN MEXICO. Isn't that a tad contradictory?

As I am currently nesting in a rather ruralish area, I find myself surrounded by the ever-fascinating macroglossius sextegenerius overdosious subspecies pacifensis Quakerii. This particular group eschew the noxious weed, instead preferring to reach maximum energy with vast infusions of brotherly love and multivitamins. But my question is this:

Is their guano too acidic for good gardening?

I feel the need to dedicate a full post to answering these questions, so sit tight.

Can you recommend products or methods that will confine or repel these things so we can nip this thing in the bud?

After 9-11, the flag sticker on the back window of my car seemed to keep the more timid specimens at bay. The addition of a "Bush-Cheney '04" sticker more recently helps with other species, but with that method you run the risk of it having the opposite effect, and provoking the more violent individuals.

The final addition of a "Glock - Safe Action Pistols" sticker resolved that.

As for "in person" confrontations, I find it is best to stay calm and keep once's voice neutral and soothing while backing away slowly. If that doesn't work, imitating the call of their natural enemies ("Why do you think that?" and "Can you give me some examples?") will usually either cause them to flee, or to become so agitated that they explode.

I've seen them gather in small numbers out here in the Land of Fruits and Nuts. How does one characterize these small gatherings? As a herd - which has bovine overtones, a flock - which brings chickens to mind, or a swarm - locuslike? There are others I might have missed.

One common draw is certain local coffee shops. I think it is the smell of coffee, rather than the taste. I have yet to see one drink black coffee. This might also act as an instant repellant for the one or two that are bothersome or ward off an attack from an enraged macroglossius lunarius bisexualis. I'd further warn to run like hell afterwards as this act might bring about a swarming instinct from the Macroglossius lunarius commonus as seen in killer bees if others are nearby.

Dear Doctor,

I find your work extremely interesting. I seem to remember similar outbreaks of these strange creatures back in the mid to late sixties (perhaps the most famous occuring at some farm in NY). Good luck with your research. I look forward to further viewings of the fruits......................................... of your labors.

What? No hacky sack?

Great work Bill... I think you're really onto something here.

Oh yeah, blah blah, aren't these magestic creatures delightful. Listen, they're vermin and someone's got to cull them. Littering our streets with their pamphlets and trash, ripping up asphalt and electrical cables for their 'community gardens', scaring the kids with their agressive street theater mating displays, enough already.

Look, I know it can seem cruel, but that's nature. In the long run their genetic stock will be improved by shooting some of the fatter, uglier ones.

Hey mate, it's "majestic" not "magestic". And you're a fascist.

OUTSTANDING!

Splendid work, Bill.
Fascinating photos of the MoonBats
in full plumage.
Though, I imagine the male MoonBats
do not mate often!

I am inpressed by the retrosepctive colour scheme moonbats seem to employ to attract members of the same sex whilst pretenting to be trying to attract members of the same sex. May i suggest a study be done on moonbat head coverings and their relationiship to the political spectrum. My assumption would be that the more outlandish the head covering the more these creatures inhabit the extreme fringes of the political and social fabric.

You joke about some of the women in the photos, but I bet it is just bad lighting and they are really pretty hot. I'd date (most of) them.

Read again, more closely - no woman's attractiveness was mocked during the course of this shoot ...

I noticed that body painted moonbat has an electronic device on her right hip. Perhaps her internal radar (which all moonbats possess) has failed. My guess is some altruistic veterinarian implanted the exoskeletal device to aid her navigational skills which nature so cruelly took away at some point. It seems to have worked as she has obviously found her way back to the communal swarm.

I was quite frankly expecting more scholarly work out of you. Surely you know we have to uphold the notion that Homo Sapiens is at the apogee of the evolutionary cycle. What are you, some kind of creationist wacko?
(^-^)

Hmmmmm ...

Orfi, that was actually just a cellphone ... manufactured by um ... Nokia, I believe.

Uh...my bad. Thanks for the clarification Bill. I thought moonbats eschewed cellphones and such as symbols of capitalistic oppression.

;-)

Outstanding work Doctor. One question tho: The migratory pattern of the seasonal moonbat seems to be somewhat in dispute. Is it a case of which states have better welfare benefits or which states have better coffee shops and communist book stores? Or perhaps some combination of the two? Very confusing to a layman and amateur in this highly evolving field of study.

Also is there any evidence of domesticated moonbats?

Thank you and i look forward to your futher fascinating research.

luv it.. thanks.. now at last i know what i am.. i'm a Moonbat!

THOSE LITTLE DRUMMER BOYS MUST SUERLY BEEN PERFORMING POST INDUSTRIAL MUSIC. THE MOONBAT GREENIES FAVORITE.

LET EM EAT ROOTS AN BERRIES

A flamethrower, a flamethrower; my kingdom for a flamethrower...

Anybody seen 28 Days Later?

Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about...

As a DC area dweller, I often marvel at the vast array of "colorful" individuality presented in such places as Dupont Circus...*ahem*...Dupont Circle downtown--sometimes the variance between the male and female of the species is a mystery to me-and this can be awkward when commuting throughout said metropolis. HOWEVER; I find myself perplexed at the categorization and dehumanization of individuals who are clearly exibiting outward signs of inward turmoil. Enlightenment, it would seem, would be the key--not Embarassment. While I thoroughly enjoy a good laugh, I wonder if a laugh when stooping to the oppositions level is the most prudent course of action.

Emi - huh?

Sean said:

However, it seem that if you can get the subspecies "hot art-school chick moonbat" to fall in love with you, they undergo a fascinating trasnformation, turning into a clone of your own personal politics. I have personal experience with this, and must say that the result was completely successful, producing that extremely rare species, "hot conservative chick".

Unfortunately, folks, this is a trap. I don't know who would try to perpetrate such an act upon the fine readers of this journal, but Sean's email address gives it away: @andrew.cmu.edu.

Sean, I went to CMU. There are no hot chicks, conservative or no, at CMU. ;)

While I am a neophyte in moonbat behaviour I do have quite a bit of experience with the Latin-American Revolutionary Moonbat, or Desmodus lunarius checommunista. You see I have traveled to South America on a regular basis for the last fifteen years for business purposes.

I wholeheartedly agree with Bill that these moonbats are legitimately dangerous. The Latin blood in this strain causes much hyperbole and misguided passion. There is a simple methodology to protect oneself however.

If confronted by one of these creatures and it exhibits aggressive behaviour, simply utter the word "Pinochet" and watch the effect it has.

A real Latin-American revolutionary moonbat will back away in fear whereas a poser moonbat (you know the kind, wears a "Che" t-shirt but can't point out Buenos Aires on a map) will scratch its head in confusion and be too flustered by their lack of understanding to bother you any more. Either way you are covered.

Bill-
I wonder if devoting an entire site to mocking people for their ignorance is really the best way to spend ones energy. Perhaps it would be more beneficial to instead channel all of those vast resources to educate the masses you obviously find so repugnant rather than allowing them to remain so.

Just a thought. As you all are glorying in your excellence and brilliance-there are people who might be able to benefit from your wealth of knowledge.

Uh emi - have you READ my entire site?

These and a few other posts are all good fun, and very few of the barbs are even serious or malignant. Lighten up.

And I've tried to "educate the masses," trust me. Sometimes it's too hard on my blood pressure and sometimes it's better to just have a little fun.

Try it out for a spin.

For the record, I would laugh my ASS off at a similar parody dedicated to a gathering of right-wingers, for example ... even if I was one of them.

I was actually an art major (in SF!), and I am pretty conservative...

One of my best female friends is an artist, a model, and a staunch Republican.

Interestingly in my art department at San Francisco State University back, oh, 10 years ago, all my friends were pretty conservative. Maybe because it was a state school not an art school and we were relatively poor? Maybe because our instructors were all Korean War Vets?

Ah, well, I guess it proves that you can dwell among moonbats and still not be infected by their brainworm (although I seemed to have caught their external poor dressing disease -- minus the Che and Soviet t-shirts of course).

The bit about your instructors being vets reminds me of the scene with Sam Kinison in Back to School ...

Thats very funny!

But no, they were too traumatized by the experience to brag about it. Seems like some of the braver vets I've known are usually the most modest too.

IMMENSELY INFORMATIVE! On a similar note, the annual moonbat migration to Memphis, Tennessee is in full bloom with hoards of the rare moonbat strains homobudweiseriss and jackdanielsquaffalottoffus swarming down by the river. They seem to be attracted by the loud drumming of musical instruments which are carefully placed in a large muddy area near downtown Memphis every year to attract the moonbats. The poor creatures are helpless to the drumming musical sounds and flock to the area where they wallow helplessly in the mudpits and feed ravenously from large kegs of alcoholic nectar.

Bill-read you ENTIRE website...*whew*...I don't know if I could process that much useless information....my brain would go into underload....(I'm aware that underload is not a word...I'm just lightening up and taking a jab.)

You sir are a shameless child of privilege who dares to mask his own petty bigotry in the royal robes of science! This type of jesting is simply cruel and mean spirited. I dare you to look at yourself in a mirror and consider the kind of person you’ve become. Many of these kids are in fact not a species different from our own, but the unwitting victims of chemical imbalances. They may be well meaning and are certainly completely unaware of the way they appear to those of us fortunate enough to be raised in homes with proper dietary regimens. Do you think these poor creatures actually choose to be the spawn of the dope-smoking skeletons in the closet of our own “lost generation”???

Granted there are hard cases, but +90% of these kids could be turned around on a healthy diet based on the inverted food pyramid. Massive doses of good old American rare red meat would produce amazingly rapid results. Gradual introduction of grain alcohol spirits and foods rich in what the Loki-like trickster-organio-propagandists refer to as “empty calories” can reduce symptoms until a proper biochemical balance can be established. With disciplined controls even the most hardened cases of tofu induced dementia can be turned into marginally useful tax payers.

The ongoing tragedy is that recovering individuals will have to perform painful twice daily testing to ensure proper blood levels of BHT, BHA and MSG for the rest of their lives. How dare you make light of their suffering? I’d take umbrage if I knew what to do with it! If, however, your conclusions are an honest mistake and are simply the outcome of bad anthropology, then opps my bad. I just get cranky when my blood sugar is low. Come to Philly & I’ll buy you a nice big cheese steak to make it up to you.