INDCJournal: E! True Hollywood Story: The "Instalanche"

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March 17, 2004

E! True Hollywood Story: The "Instalanche"

Posted by Bill

Dean has some ruminations on the Instapundit, basically noting what an ephemeral tease the whole "Instalanche" experience is. He also links to the Commisar's take on how to get sustainable exposure, and it involves lots of commenting and commie ass-kissing and the like.

My personal experience with getting "Instalaunched" (or getting hit with an "Instalanche," if you prefer) via a link from Professor Reynolds:

My minor 'lanche got me so very high. It felt so good, man, like I was flying, like I'd buried my face en la coca a la Tony Montagna. I felt like I was ruler of the WORLD, like I suddenly had the power to kill a man, just by making that Darth Vader strangling motion with my hand.

But then ... then my minute came and went, and the fame fluttered out of my frenzied, pathetic grasp. It was gone. All gone. The traffic left as quickly as it had come. The comments dried up. I started to get the shakes. I craved attention and simply couldn't stand the idea of a life without another Instalink. I began e-mailing Glenn repeatedly, and he was RUDE and would not answer, even though I felt that we'd established a true friendship, a real spiritual bond by virtue of being "link-buddies." Finally, I sent this:

"To: pundit@instapundit.com
From: Instapunditfan@indcjournal.com
Re: My undying devotion to your special inner light

Glenny,

Please please PLEASE link me! Did you see my entry about Purple Elephant Sh*t and the State of the Union? Wasn't that a scream? Or my fun take on the Salon.com celebrity cruise? Did you? Well, DID YOU? Much better than your boring s*** blogging!

I'm sorry... that was passive-aggressive. I'm lashing out because you have hurt me with your silence. It's just that I thought that we had something meaningful. I even started blending puppies, just to be more like you. Last week I juiced a 6 week-old Doberman. I named him Andrew Sullivan before I frapped 'em, cuz you soooo kick Sullivan's ass. He couldn't carry your laptop bag. I would even kill Frank J if you told me to. (BTW - would you? Like me to?)

Now please link me! Please! Linkee-linkee-link-link-linkeee-link-link-linkeee-leeeeee!

With eternal love,

Bill

PS - I'll be in Knoxville in a week, why don't we take the Instafamily out for a BBQ in the RX-8, Professor!"

So anyway, the bastard e-mails me back with some legal-sounding letter saying to "cease-and-desist all communication, written, oral, electronic or otherwise." And still no link.

The Instalanche ruined my life!

Posted by Bill at March 17, 2004 01:12 PM | TrackBack (4)

Comments

In the spirit of Guinness on this mighty St. Patrick's Day... "Brilliant!"
Scott

Posted by: Scott S at March 17, 2004 02:00 PM

You have made my day with this post! I thought I was shot of the whims of law professors after I graduated, but Glenn has been tormenting my thoughts more and more recently. Bastard!

YIP! YIP!

Posted by: Robert the Llama Butcher at March 17, 2004 02:34 PM

Linkee-linkee-link-link-linkeee-link-link-linkeee-leeeeee!

LMAO! Mind if use this in the future?

Cheers!
jim

Posted by: James Doney at March 18, 2004 01:13 AM

Hey man, give a link-addict a link from your site and you can lift whole entries and claim them as your own. You know my price ...

Posted by: Bill at March 18, 2004 09:38 AM

OMG, my brand-spanking new blog got outed the first hour it was alive by the Instafather and it was nuts. I had just sent him an email thanking him for inspiring me (it was genuine) with a link to my site and a request to just check it out sometime. I had NO intention of getting a link, I was totally green and had not concept that that might happen.

But it was quite the high I got when so many people wrote in, and such a subsequent low when they stopped...it's been a challenge to go on because I just stopped having so much attention because my blog sucked (it may, still.) Anyway, it's caused me to refocus quickly on my original plan, which was to have a place to just air my opinions, rants, etc. and not necessarily to have fame.

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2004 07:00 PM